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We're throwing around some topics on soccer worthy of discussion. Most of this stuff comes from the bar, and we thought we'd share. Feel free to join in the discussion.
Quick Thoughts On A Monday
Wednesday, 03 February 2010 12:36
Quick Thoughts on a Monday:

Remember that show “Family Affair”? Everyone under the age of 35 is shaking their head no. In summary, a NYC bachelor is forced to raise three of his sister’s kids after a car wreck kills the kids’ parents. Anyhoo, one of these kids had a doll named Mrs. Beasley, which she carried wherever she went - no matter what. At school, in the bathtub, in creepy Mr. French’s secret room, there was Mrs. Beasley.*

The reason that I bring this up is that I am starting to think Carlo Ancelotti has an equally unhealthy obsession with Petr Cech#. Cech really hasn’t been the same since he had his head caved in by Stephen Hunt in 2006. He increasingly looks lost on set pieces and his body language is similar to Steve Sax during his last days at 2nd base (pleasedonthitittome, pleasedonthitittome, pleasedonthitittome, pleasedonthitittome). Carlo, your team is the favorite to win the Premiership and has a good shot at Champions League – make the move to someone else now.

After viewing “Eddie and the Cruisers” this weekend for the first time in years (everyone under the age of 35 just clicked away for good), I was disappointed to realize that the band was a complete rip-off of Springsteen. Kind of like HYPERLINK "http://soccernet.espn.go.com/players/manager?id=150&cc=5901" Robert Mancini’s face compared to HYPERLINK "http://soccernet.espn.go.com/players/manager?id=1&cc=5901" Jose Mourinho’s

Speaking of Jose Mourinho, I hope everyone has seen him in the Dos Equis “Most Interesting Man in the World” commercials. To wit: “I don’t always coach in the EPL, but when I do, it will be Liverpool.”

*Aside #1 - the show featured a creepy butler who had to raise these kids, “Mr. French.” Think of a leering Mr. Belvedere. The show’s cast moved on to fun times afterwards. Mr. French died of a stroke in 1977, the kid with the doll OD’d in 1976 and he NYC bachelor (Brian Keith) killed himself in 1997.

#Aside #2 – compare Mrs. Beasley and Cech, resemblance? HYPERLINK "http://cgi.ebay.com/Vintage-Mrs-Beasley-Mattel-Doll-Talking
-Box_W0QQitemZ260545577053QQcmdZViewItemQQptZLH_
DefaultDomain_0?hash=item3ca9ba005d" http://cgi.ebay.com/Vintage-Mrs-Beasley-Mattel-Doll-Talking-
Box_W0QQitemZ260545577053QQcmdZViewItemQQptZLH_
DefaultDomain_0?hash=item3ca9ba005d

HYPERLINK "http://soccernet.espn.go.com/players/profile?id=13069&cc=5901"
http://soccernet.espn.go.com/players/profile?id=13069&cc=5901
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2010 Predictostications
Monday, 21 December 2009 16:18
2010 Predictostications

The sun will continue to rise in the east. Jose Mourinho will continue to spurn my inappropriate advances. Liverpool fans will continue to be annoying. Tiger Woods will lead the cops in a slow motion chase in a Ford Bronco. Those are the easy ones. What about the difficult questions? You want answers? I give you answers!

How will Landon Donovan do in England? Landy Cakes seems to be given the shaft by the nation’s and world’s soccer intelligencia. His failure in Germany (twice), his PK histrionics, his lack of physical stature and ambivalence about playing in Europe have led to the perception of “softness” in his game. Au contraire, mon frere - his toughness and playmaking vision on the international stage has convinced me. Like it or not, he is the best player to ever play for the USMNT – seriously, no arguments please. Plus, he is landing at a great situation in Everton where he will have enough “tough” players surrounding him in Felliani, Pienaar, Cahill. He also does not have to be “the” guy up top. I like him in role sitting just behind Yakubu/Saha and setting things up. My only concern is that 10 games may not be enough for him to get a fair run – which was his downfall in his 2nd Germany chance. Final tally: 2 G, 3 A in 10 games.

What will happen in the Top 4? Chelsea and ManU are locks, obviously. Arsenal better hope Van Persie gets healthy and/or pick up a striker in January. Liverpool is a disaster. Aston Villa has everyone healthy and are in top form. Man City can’t figure out the back 4. Tottenham have been inconsistent. My prediction: Arsenal 3rd. Aston Villa avoid the slide from last season, as their back four are the best in the Prem now – on a strictly defensive basis. However, Liverpool dumps Rafa and go on a tear to edge the Villa.

Who wins the Prem? This is easy. No Ronaldo, no soup for you SAF. Chelski play the ugly game that Roman hates to the title.

Champions League? Did you see Bayern destroy Juve in Italy? I just have a sneaking suspicion that it’s time for someone other than an English or Spanish team this year. Let’s go… Inter Milan. Then, Jose to Liverpool.

World Cup? First, (and I stole this from Grant Wahl of SI) I guarantee there will be a Sports Illustrated cover with Donovan, Howard, and lets say, Gooch in Revolutionary War get-up prior to the England match. The headline will read, “President Palin mistakenly thinks Iran is in Africa - invades wrong continent” Oops, that’s Newsweek in 2013. SI will read, “Tea Party in South Africa.”

USA shockingly ties England, blows one of the next two, but survives to the final 16 where they win one more and get to the quarters and lose on PKs. Don’t laugh – US outside of Europe have been prettttttty goooood. Korea in 2002, South Africa in 2009.

Surprises – another CONCACAF teams makes the knockout stages, an African team (or two) makes the semis, and England lose on PKs to someone (shocker!). Your winner – do me a favor, google how many times Brazil has NOT won a WC outside of Europe since 1954. Go ahead, I’ll wait.

(While we are waiting, what actor/actress has ruined more TV series/movies for you? I’m going with Moira Kelly – unwatchable in West Wing, just killed an almost passable romantic comedy in that hockey player meets figure skater flick, made Joe Pesci seem like DeNiro in “With Honors” – even makes me hate “Lion King” because of her lispy annoying voice.)

Ok, we are back. The answer is only twice since 1954 have Brazil not won a WC outside of Europe – plus Dunga’s system is perfect for tough tournament play - therefore, Brazil wins 2-0 over Spain/Germany/Italy.

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EPL/Rudy/Hoosiers Mash-up
Thursday, 10 December 2009 14:31

EPL/Rudy/Hoosiers Mash-up

With an HDNet “Rudy” and “Hoosiers” double feature early last week still on my brain, my EPL thoughts this week will be reflect two of the finest sports flicks of my generation.

I realized that Lucas Leiva is the “Bizarro Rudy”

• Rudy – loyal

Lucas – red carded for spiking L’Pool teammie Javy Mascherano in the Olympics.

• Rudy- pasty

Lucas – Brazilian, yet still pasty

• Rudy – makes everyone around him better.

Lucas - may cause Gerrard break to break a Phil Collins record over his head in the middle of a game. Possibly “No Jacket Required.”

I had forgotten that Vince Vaughan was in Rudy. (Admit it - you forgot/didn’t know that) He played the selfish player that Coach Parseghian didn’t like.

Vaughn: “First practice and this guy is playing like it’s the Super Bowl. Coach Parseghian: “You just summed up your entire sorry career at Notre Dame”

That guy.

After this week, can’t you see Darron Gibson turning into that guy at Man U? Goals mid week in the Carling Cup and versus West Ham this weekend and they were bombs from waaay out.( BTW, I love the Brits calling a shot from 40 yards out as “optimistic.” They would clasify Jessica Simpson’s weight as “healthy.”) Watch Gibson start to get a little lazy, have some folks buying him a few pints and he starts thinking he is little bit better than he actually is - fast forward a year or two and suddenly Gibson gets the next “remember that one guy?” status with David Bentley/Gareth Bale.

[Aside #1: Isn’t odd to realize the Vaughn/Favrau pairing happened in “Rudy” before “Swingers?” I wonder if they first made Gretsky’s head bleed on Sega in an ND dorm room.]

Luckily for Gibson, he has SAF as his manager who as more than a little Coach Norman Dale from “Hoosiers” in him (“Darron, foooor passes before you shyooot! How many passes?” “Four!”) As SAF gets older and more crotchety, if he ever goes postal on one of his players (my vote: Berbs, after he rolls his eyes one too many times), he could totally resurface coaching Indiana high school soccer. “Foorst of all, lets be really fiiriendly, my name is Alex. Second of all, your coooching days aayre oovar.”

[Aside #2: How weird is it that the “bad townie coach guy” in Hoosiers is the same actor that played the “bad coach that didn’t want to play Rudy?” Lets call him George Devine. Even more odd, he played the “aging pitcher that sabotaged Cerrano’s voo-doo stuff” in “Major League.” George is the Billy Zabka (Karate Kid, Back to School) of sports movies.]

Request of the week: Can we get announcers to start using “Friday Night Lights” nomenclature to describe players? Instead of “the starting keeper for the US”, we can hear Tim Howard referred to as “America’s GK 1.”

Fantasy Picks to Click: I didn’t steer you wrong with Dindane last week, so lets stay with “the best striker versus crappy team on the road” theme and go with Chuco this week versus West Ham.

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Arsenal V Chelsea game diary
Thursday, 03 December 2009 15:50
Arsenal v. Chelsea game diary

0’ - Good morning! We are live with Barry’s Irish tea, Brown Dog and fuzzy slippers! Arsenal has won only two of the last 15 meetings with Chelsea and are missing Robin van Persie and two defenders. Arsene, what’s German for “uh, oh”? I’m going with “ruh-row, Raggy.” Jon Champion is our commentator.

2’ – Ancelotti is wearing a black watch stocking cap. He looks like a mad Greek sea captain that turns traitor on James Bond – “Moneypenny tried to warn me about you, Capt. Zyrosgatos…”

8’ – Poor Ashey Cole is booed every time he touches the ball. Fortunately for him this only represents about 4.2 seconds of the elapsed 8 minutes to this point.

11’ – First case of Cesc-ual misconduct as Fabergas flops in front of Mikel.

14’ – Gunners controlling play here in the early going. New left back Traore looking dangerous on the wing.

19 – Ooh, looked like Sagna pulled down Anelka in the box. No call. Referee Andre Marriner isn’t Irish, is he?

20’ – At this point, Ashley Cole is giving it away more than Britney Spears did during the “Dream within a dream” tour.

27’ – Brown Dog is giving kisses during every close-up of John Terry. I am unsure of the significance.

29’ – Interesting news from the sideline – a small camera was evidently thrown at Fat Frank Lampard from the crowd. Polite Arsenal fans didn’t want to offend by tossing Nutri-system meals or gastrointestinal bypass literature at him.

38’ – I actually believe that Ashley is purposely getting rid of the ball as soon as he can to avoid the boos. He’d rather stay out of the play than get booed – what a douche.

42’ – GOAL! Nice finish from Drogba on the feed from Ashley. For fantasy team purposes, this pleases me greatly. I apologize, Ashley.

43’ – The Greek sea captain gives a fist pump on the sideline. “Zess! Meester Bond, I told you that my associate from Ivory Coast vuld come through.”

45’ – GOAL! Ashley’s cross sets up an own goal by Vermaelan. For fantasy team purposes, this displeases me greatly.

Half – Weird half. Arsenal controlled play, but never looked dangerous. It looks like they miss van Persie. Arsene just said “No shit, Sherlock” in German. 46’ – Theo on for Song. Do you think Arsene did his best Cliff Huxtable impression at halftime? “Theooo, my son, do your best. My lovely wife Cammmilllee and I want to see you succeed. You see.” Probably not.

(Note to readers under 30: the above refers to The Cosby Show. This was inexplicably the most popular television program of the 80’s despite the ubiquitous presence of hideous sweaters and Lisa Bonet.)

48’ – Arsenal finally looking dangerous. Goal taken away after Cech gets bailed out with a foul. When Arshavin’s face gets all screwed up with disappointment he looks like a giant infant. I shall now call him “Man-Baby.”

57’ – Arsene swaps the Mexican Vela in for the Brazilian Eduardo. On a related note, I swap caipirihas for Dos Equis. I don’t always drink beer, but when I do, I drink Dos Equis.

65’ – JT complains to Marriner after big man hug from Verms. Still unsure why this elicits kisses from Brown Dog.

71’ – Ashley pulled for Ferriera. The Emirates crowd give him a warm reception in recognition of his Arsenal days. No, not really.

78’ – Ancelotti has lost the sea captain hat and is back to resembling a museum security guard.

86’ – GOAL! Drogba again. Didier+Rooney=fantasy gold this week.

94’ – Full time. The museum security guard almost cracks a smile.

Made up Sports Quote of the week from Fuzzy Zoeller on Tiger/Elin controversy: “Well, she’s Swedish so she can probably just buy him a new car window at Ikea, or wherever those people shop.”


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Fans feeling slighted by Beckham?
Monday, 27 July 2009 21:04
Why persecute Beckham? He gave it a go and now he wants to be back in europe? (According to his contract, he can walk Nov 2009).


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